Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|12:00am] [ mood | cheery ] [ music | 31 FLAVOuRS! Give 'em a hand! ] Vidicon:  Finally! Taking the stage, it's 31 FLAVOuRS! I see you're a little tipsy. It's this way to the stage. [audience cheers] Vidicon:  Free beer, too, as long as you brought your own. [audience cheers] Vidicon:  As long as you're wasting bandwith, the working web cam is here. [audience cheers] Spling:  We're giving that cheering WAV file a bit of a workout tonight, eh? Vidicon:  Shush. ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. 00002 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 -- Beg-A-Thon break-in [27 Jul 2003|12:30am] [ mood | bleery ] ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Vidicon:  On the tote-board so far: 29 sponsors, $740 (unofficial). A couple of pledges have trickled in. Thank you guys muchly. Keep it up. Webcam images are available. Click here. Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|01:00am] [ mood | stumpied ] Vidicon:  What is it with you guys? I haven't had to take more than one drink! Oh, yeah. I'm hinging my drinking on the sort of geeks who stay home on Saturday nights getting laid. Oh, hey. I didn't mean it that way. I mean, no one exactly's climbing under my kilt right at the moment either. Spling:  I could always shove Jet under your kilt. He/She/It's pretty damned hot. Vidicon:  Funny. Spling:  Nah, funny stopped happening hours ago. Just make sure everybody makes it over to 31 FLAVOuRS's Charity Concert! ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. 00003 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|01:30am] [ mood | in the countin' house ] Vidicon:  So. It's one-fuckin'-thirty in the morning, and I'm still here. Fifteen more of these little segments and I'll have earned the Association for International Cancer Research more than $700. No. Scratch that. You will have earned more than $700 for the Association for International Cancer Research. Spling:  Damn. Vidicon:  You're motherfuckin' right damn. $740 so far. It'd be nice if another $260 showed up, but it's all good. In fact, the Blogathon site has said that pledging will be open for 48 hours after the official end, just to allow sponsors who missed the event to catch up and do their part. Also, the money isn't due instantly, so if you need to wait until your next paycheck to send along your $5, so be it. Spling:  If you do cancer research, than all this lovely money could be yours! ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|02:00am] [ mood | death-matchy ] Vidicon:  I hear that 31 FLAVOuRS has another track loaded and available here. If nothing else, we're developing new homebrew broadcasting techniques pioneered by musicians who actually want people to see and hear them—as opposed to the RIAA bastards who would prefer that their bands sell two CDs apiece at $40,000 each. Spling:  Which pretty much explains why we weren't able to schedule the Madonna/Lars Ulrich Celebrity Death Match for tonight's entertainment. Vidicon:  Ah, well. It's probably for the best. We couldn't have afforded the insurance. Spling:  Or the barf bags. Vidicon:  What he said. ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Webcam images are available here. 00001 billion served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|02:30am] [ mood | crafty ] Spling:  Hey, dude. Guess what? Vidicon:  [waking up] Huh? What? Spling:  Everybody's dozed off. Even Jet. Look, Jet's drooling. Vidicon:  Eew. "Hawaii Vice 5" must just not be holding people's attention. Spling:  Poor Papillion. It was the height of his career. So what can we get away with now that everyone is sleeping? Vidicon:  Well, the bucket of warm water to dip people's hands in is kinda tired.... We have shaving cream and toothpaste and Magic Markers. Spling:  Magic Markers? Vidicon:  It's a classic. People go to sleep drunk and waking thinking they got a tattoo. See, you draw it on and then you irritate the skin with a little toothpaste and then you put a bandage on it, like it's healing. Spling:  Dude. Vidicon:  So who gets it, and what do we draw? Spling:  Hmmm.... ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. 00002 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|03:00am] [ mood | goofy. Okay, MORE goofy. ] Vidicon:  Okay, like, dude? Spling:  What? Vidicon:  So I know I dozed off and everything... Spling:  Yeah? Vidicon:  So there's this big fucking Band-Aid® on my forehead. And the room smells like Magic Marker. [Spling shrugs] Vidicon:  Dude. I may have been asleep a few minutes ago, but I was awake when we were talking about fucking with people and drawing tattoos on them. Spling:  And? Vidicon:  And what? You drew on my head with a Magic Marker! Spling:  Maybe. But maybe you got an actual tattoo and I just scribbled over it with Magic Marker so you won't know for a couple of days what the tattoo is a picture of. Vidicon:  Whatever, man. You're clever, but you're not that clever. Spling:  Doesn't matter to me. Unless you have sand-paper, you're gonna be wearing the words "Free Martha Stewart" for at least a couple of days. Vidicon:  Fucker. You'll get yours. Spling:  Only if you've got what it takes to stay awake when I fall asleep. Vidicon:  You watch your back. Spling:  As soon as I have a back, I'll watch it. Vidicon:  Bastard. ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. 00002 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 -- Beg-A-Thon break-in [27 Jul 2003|03:30am] [ mood | updated ] ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Vidicon:  On the tote-board so far: 29 sponsors, $740 (unofficial). Still. But that's okay. Everybody's asleep right now, including me. Fortunately, I can write even in my sleep. Next up: call-in questions! Webcam images are available. Click here. 00005 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|04:00am] [ mood | somewhat richer ] Vidicon:  To handle the expected volume of calls, we've installed a bank of 32 phone lines. Spling:  Thirty-two. That's a nice round number. Vidicon:  It is, to geeks. And geeks install phones. Spling:  Gotcha. Vidicon:  So, now we sit here for the next five hours and wait for questions to show up that might be worth answering. Spling:  Is this gonna be like us trying trick people into posting naughty pictures earlier? Vidicon:  Yeah, probably. [silence] Vidicon:  [drums fingers on desk] Doo de doo de doo.... [A phone rings. Spling jumps for it, accidentally knocking into Jet on the way past. Jet spins in a slow circle, drooling syrupy coffee and tangling the power cord.] Spling:  Blogathon 2003, Travelogue of the Nowhere-Bound. What's your question? [weak warbling in background] Spling:  Actually, we're perfectly happy with our long distance service right now. ... Yes, I know we've registered 32 new lines. But, you see, they're "receive only". Yes, I kno— ... Free WorldCom stock? Sure. Whatever. Sign me up. Next bill. Gotcha. Bye. Vidicon:  Dude, you are so going to hell. Spling:  Gonna be a long five hours.... ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|04:30am] [ mood | undignified ] Spling:  I've no clue. How about more percolator porn? That one got pretty decent hit rates... Vidicon:  Umm, no. That creeped me the fuck out, and I'm pretty hardcore. Spling:  More Shakespeare? Vidicon:  We're not gonna top the Shakespeare bit. Let it go. Spling:  You haven't shown off your new thong yet. [crickets chirping] Spling:  C'mon, dude. Be a sport. Show 'em what's under the kilt. Vidicon:  Maybe if we hit a grand. What does it take for Jerry Lewis to drop trou? Spling:  You're not Jerry Lewis. You have better legs. Vidicon:  Yeah. And, um, he wears boxers. Not a thong somebody gave him as a gag. Spling:  You've used it as a gag? Vidicon:  Uh, what? No! Stay on topic. Freak. Spling:  You're gonna have to do it, ace. The tote board has hardly twitched in hours. "Dire circumstances require drastic action." Vidicon:  What's dire about $763? I mean, I know we're substantially under the goal. And what's to say me shaking my be-flossed flabby ass at the camera isn't going to drive away pledges we might have gotten? And what about my dignity? Spling:  Don't talk to me about your dignity. You're wearing a kilt. But you might have a point about scaring people off. I know. We'll have people bid. Highest pledge over the next 90 minutes gets to choose whether or not you show of your new thong to the webcam. Vidicon:  Done. I'm obviously either desperate or an imbecile, but you have a deal. Spling:  Sweet! ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. 00004 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|05:00am] [ mood | queasy ] Spling:  Stop whining, dude. You should have thought about your political career before you decided to fire up the web cam. You're screwed. Vidicon:  But, but, but, that last pledge had a timestamp of 4:28 AM, a full two minutes before I made the agreement! It can't possibly be— Spling:  You were in admin for how long and you're gonna trust a mail server's timestamp? [some more of that silence stuff] Spling:  Thought so. Besides, she hasn't voiced her vote yet. You get another hour to sweat. Vidicon:  Charming. Maybe she'll have mercy.... Spling:  Keep dreaming. ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Webcam here. 00001 billion served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 -- Beg-A-Thon break-in [27 Jul 2003|05:30am] [ mood | woozilicious ] ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Vidicon:  On the tote-board so far: 31 sponsors, $783 (unofficial). Largest pledge up to 6:00 AM EDT gets to decide whether I show off my new thong for the web cam. So make sure you haven't eaten breakfast before you find out which way it's going to go. Webcam images are available. Click here. Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|06:00am] [ mood | flat ] Vidicon:  [face down on the floor] If I drink any more coffee I'm gonna puke. Spling:  Dude, somebody could totally lift up your kilt in view of the webcam with you lying like that. Vidicon:  Whatever. If I'm embarrassed to death, then I can sleep. Moo hoo ha hah. Spling:  You can't die now. You have six more segments to make. Six, dude. Three more hours. Vidicon:  I've been awake for twenty-five hours already.... Spling:  You call that "awake"? John Edward can talk to you without a phone right now. Get your ass up. Vidicon:  C'mere and make me. You little fruitcake. That's right, I said you're a little fruitcake! Spling:  You're not fooling anyone, playing back snippets from the congressional record. You should be ashamed of yourself. Vidicon:  Bite me. ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Webcam here. 00002 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|06:30am] [ mood | drastic ] Vidicon:  ... ... nuclear rainbow sheep ... *snxrxx* Spling:  He's either dreaming or hallucinating. I'm afraid to ask which. Jet:  Is it like sleepwalking? Is it safe to try to wake him up? Spling:  What do you propose? Jet:  Lift up his kilt. I'll pour hot coffee on his nards. Spling:  Here goes... [tentative trickling sound] Spling:  ... nothing. Damn. That's hardcore. Vidicon:  ... ... no, Ella, not the toad. At least not the one on the left ... ... Spling:  Desperate times require drastic measures. ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. 00002 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|07:00am] [ mood | stoopid tired ] Tybalt:  Holy shit. Sunrise. Polonius:  That just means the zombies go back to their graves. How do we get this gent out of his? Tybalt:  It looks like we're gonna have to call in a consultant. Polonius:  But who? Who would we call? Tybalt:  What the fuck? Have you gone blond all of the sudden? Who's writing your lines? Polonius:  Sorry. Tybalt:  You should be. That was odious. Polonius:  Sorry, I said. Tybalt:  And that gives me an idea. Gimme da phone. Polonius:  You mean ... ? Tybalt:  Where's that folding chair? ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 -- Beg-A-Thon break-in [27 Jul 2003|07:30am] [ mood | well hung ] ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Vidicon:  [dressed like Alistair Cooke] Our hero is in dire straits, is he not? Will he— Spling:  Dude! It's totally not time for this right now. We have to save your ass! We just did this two hours ago! Vidicon:  The term you're looking for, Dear Spling, is "cliffhanger." It's quite all right. Our audience is goofy-tired, too, and in no shape to riot. It's perfectly safe, I assure you. Spling:  If you say so. Asshole. [Spling storms off] Vidicon:  The tote-board stands at 31 sponsors, $783 (unofficial). Your patience is appreciated. So is your cash. Webcam images are available. Click here. Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|08:00am] [ mood | thumpity thump thump ] Tybalt:  The summoning was successful. Our consultant should be arriving in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... er, 1 ... Damn. Did I get the time zone right. Should be Mountain, right? [loud whooshing "bamf"-type noise] Puck:  Dost thou summon the biggest damn fairy evar? Tybalt:  Stow it. Do you see our problem? Puck:  What the hell is he wearing? Did he volunteer for that? Tybalt:  Forget that. Look, we gotta get him up. I can only think of one way to do it. Polonius:  I know he bust yo chops, G-man, but he's a brotha. Canst thou lend succour? Puck:  I read you. [Puck clears his throat] Puck: Yo, Viddy, man. You up for a rematch? Vidicon:  uhh ... Whuh? Polonius:  You did not. Vidicon:  [still face down, rolling up sleeves] I'm up. Anyone see where that folding chair went? Polonius:  Fight's on! ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. 00001 billion served -- Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 [27 Jul 2003|08:30am] [ mood | rocky ] [Titus staggers to his feet] Puck:  Those're some pannies you got there, Viddy-dood. Titus:  You sure are brave, considering what happened to you last time. [Titus waves a hand in the air. The metal folding chair flies into his hand with a magnetic clang] Puck:  Thou knowest. But I know something you do not know. Titus:  How could you possibly know something I don't know, you petrified surfer boy? Puck:  [pointing to the giant floating spiky bowling ball] He put me up to it. [Polonius nods eagerly in agreement] Titus:  [shrugs briefly] It's all the same to me. Fore! [There is a cosmic "whang!!" Tybalt manages a strangled "eep!" before his leading edge temperature hits a value normally achievable only by fusion, a few light-seconds away.]</p> Titus:  [shakes Puck's hand] Nice work, man. [Puck puts his Ray-Ban®s back on] Titus:  Let's wrap this up. ADVERTISEMENT: Sponsor me in the Blogathon and help out the Association for International Cancer Research. Details here. Would you like fries with that?

Blogathon 2003 -- Closing statements [27 Jul 2003|09:00am] [ mood | done, as they say, like dinner ] [We're back in the Decatur studio. Vid is behind the desk, Riki is standing in the hole he left in the sofa, Jet has tipped over and is drooling cold coffee into the sofa cushions. Spling is absent.] Vidicon:  That was absolutely ridiculous. But that's beside the point. Did we make any money? Riki:  Not a penny, of course. Every last bit went to a cancer research charity, remember? Vidicon:  Doofus. That's what I meant. What's the score? [EVERYBODY DRINK! Audience cheers.] Riki:  Thirty-one sponsors, for a total of $783. But that's not exactly final final, because the Blogathon site will be open for pledges for the next forty-eight hours so they can mop up all the slackers. Vidicon:  $217 under the goal, eh? Does that mean I don't have to take my pants down? Riki:  I hate to break this to you, dude, but you haven't been wearing pants at any point in the past twenty-four hours. Vidicon:  Cool, then. Saves me some trouble. [Vidicon flips his kilt up and moons the audience. Audience "oooh"s.] Vidicon:  Let that be a lesson to you. It's all your fault I had to go through hell like this tonight. I'll bet you'll remember it now. [Jet burbles quietly into a sofa cushion.] Vidicon:  It's over. Go home. Shoo. Riki:  Big thanks to 31 FLAVOuRS for putting up with this shit. This is gonna look damned strange on their résumé. If you get a chance to see them, like, in real life, you'll enjoy the hell out of it. G'night! Vidicon:  Shoo. 00008 billions served -- Would you like fries with that?

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