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Travelogue of the Nowhere-Bound

on a streetcar named Goddammit!

Laszlo Q. V. St-J. Xalieri
11 December
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Origin: Descended from old English money, Vidicon was raised by 400 pangolins on acid in the mountainous rainforests of the North American Southeast. He was inevitably captured by a troop of well-meaning Libertarians posing as Girl Scouts (for their own personal reasons) and reintroduced into a society against which satire is a barely sufficient defense.

He fell for the snare baited with carob-coated Taiwanese crickets.

Vidicon will test positive for the following controlled substances: testosterone, caffeine, theobromine, ethanol, nicotine, Algernon Swinburne, human growth hormone, political discontent, serotonin, animal proteins, human blood, monosodium glutamate, transhumanism, thujone, powdered sugar, Gothic temperament, mojo sauce, woodgies, anomie, and hummus. Some of the above, he dubiously claims, was administered against his will.

Superpowers: Vidicon is way too smart for his own good. He also loads his pockets with enough miscellanous weird stuff to single-handedly jump-start civilization just in case there's a spontaneous collapse. "McGuyver is a [obscene participle referring to the act of sexual intercourse] [feline epithet idiomatically linked to female genitalia]," he's been known to say. Also, on a more mystical front, Vidicon is a world-class synchronicity-surfer and a practicing (but unlicensed) Quantum Mechanic.


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